I always wanted to be a mom. It was something that was important to me. My roles have changed in my tenure as Mom. I’ve done the working mom job. I’ve done the stay at home mom job. I’ve even done the work from home mom job. They all have their own set of challenges and rewards. I’ve learned a few things along the way that I think are worth sharing.

There’s not one right way. First and foremost, this must be said. There is not just one right way. I know you’ve heard it before, but it’s worth repeating. Let me ask you this: how many people gave you advice before becoming a mom? How many pieces of advice did you receive? I’m guessing the answer is in the hundreds to thousands for both those questions. Now, let’s approach it this way: how many pieces of advice didn’t work for you? Hundreds? Thousands? I’m going to ask a sensitive question now: were you ever chastised/mocked/pressured, because someone thought you were “doing it wrong?” How did that make you feel? Did you question whether your motherly instincts were leading you astray? Don’t get sucked into the guilt. Whenever I have a friend about to be a new mom, my words of wisdom are that you can read thousands of books/blogs/discussion threads and talk to everyone you know, but if that one piece of advice doesn’t work for you and your baby/child/teenager, then it’s not the RIGHT advice. Boom. Plain and simple. Sure, if you ask for advice, I’m happy to share my experience, but it may or may not work for someone else. And guess what? Every child is different. 90% of what you learned with kiddo #1 might be total garbage when it comes to kiddo #2, but then again it might be right on target. You never know, so go with what works for you.

Learn to let it go. This is different than learning “Let It Go”, although as many times as my kids have watched Disney’s “Frozen” I can sing you every word. Most women I know are born and raised with the belief that they can do it all, I know I was. We can be a wife, a mom, a model employee, a school volunteer and a great friend. All the while keeping a perfectly clean house with healthy whole food meals and crafting handmade gifts for a creatively themed birthday party, while breaking the glass ceiling at work. We have the advantage of the internet to gather and share these brilliant ideas for home decorating, organizational tips, and meal planning. Rather than using Pinterest as a springboard for creativity, women often see it as a benchmark up to which they must measure. If it’s on Pinterest, then EVERY mom must be doing it, right? WRONG. It’s perfectly fine to dial up a pizza for dinner if you’re too tired to cook. No one blames you for letting your laundry pile grow an extra day or two or five. You won’t be shunned if you choose not to join the PTA at your child’s school. Your health won’t be ruined by turning off your alarm and not going to the gym at 5:30am today. The point I’m making is this: prioritize each day. The top item on your list will likely change frequently. If your house doesn’t get cleaned today, the mess will still be there tomorrow. You are your own worst critic. We only get to live today once, so let go of some of the small things and start focusing on what is most important. It might be your child, your husband, or yourself. More on this later.

Don’t neglect your friendships. Take a trip down memory lane with me. Think back to the days before kids. Think back to the days before your spouse/partner. Who was your top priority? Your friends, right? You had a go-to girlfriend when you had a rough breakup. You had another friend who was your partner in crime at work. You had the friend you’ve known your whole life who could always put things into perspective for you. Maybe you got married before your friends and couldn’t relate to the single life anymore. Then you had a baby and you were so tired and frazzled you thought didn’t have time to go out for drinks or coffee and discuss the latest People magazine. Now, your kids are involved in so many sports and activities you’re running from swim meet to football game to cheerleading competition with no rest for the weary mom. Let’s face it, your friends have changed just as you have changed. I know there were times when my kids were young that I felt isolated and lonely. Guess what? It takes work to maintain friendships. Yes, some will come and some will go but there are so many ways we can reach out to our network these days. Send a text. Post on their Facebook wall. Tweet them. Email them. Call them. Write a letter. Do something! Your friends love you. They want you to be well and happy. They want to spend time with you. Chances are, they’ll want to help you if you’re in a bind. You won’t know this unless you make the time for your friends. Find a night and invite everyone you know to go to dinner. Plan an activity on a monthly basis. Or make a Face Time “appointment” to talk with your college roommate who lives across the country. Your efforts will be noticed and appreciated.

Do something for you. This is the hardest part for most women, especially moms. We appear selfish if we don’t put our family first in all things. Guess what? You’re not being selfish! You’re taking care of yourself! Your health is just as important as your family’s health. I’m not just talking about physical health. I’m talking about your emotional, spiritual, personal health. Do you have a place just for you? If not, I’d suggest finding one. It might be a corner of a bookstore with a hot cup of tea. It might be on the open road with the music blaring in your car. Maybe it’s at your church having a quiet moment of prayer. It might be hitting the trails to get some fresh air and exercise. Or maybe it’s at your local Planet Beach getting some treatments. Regardless, every tip above points to this. You are most valuable to the people around you when you are rested, relaxed and healthy. Boost your own confidence with a facial or teeth whitening. Melt your stresses with a HydroMassage. Ensure your physical health with supplements and vitamins. Call your friend who said she’d be willing to babysit for you and take her up on her offer! Tell your husband you’re taking a couple hours for you. There’s nothing wrong with telling the people around you what you want and what you need.

You are more than just a mom. You’re multi-faceted. You’re multi-talented. Most of all, you’re YOU, beautifully imperfect. Let that woman shine! Do you have some tips for staying sane? Please share them in the comments below!